A Lucky Break?
finding comfort single-handedly
It’s been a minute! Well more like two months of minutes. Launching a brand is no joke and then right when things were settling down… I fractured three fingers on my right hand (thankfully I’m left handed) but I’m just able to start typing, cooking, not having to do my skincare like those performative influencers who squirt the product right on their faces, etc… It’s ironic because I love to do nothing and relish in a day of bed rotting (I like to think of it more like fermenting/marinating) until I’m forced to! And I couldn’t even slow down in a romantic intentional way of writing, making home cooked meals, or my beloved FOLM. Here are a few of the things I turned to while waiting for my hand to de-zombify and not completely spiral about losing a month of work.
Thankfully/not thankfully I was on my way to Seattle when I ate it in the LAX parking lot. I think I was fully in shock, and wasn’t about to miss my flight, so I didn’t realize how quickly my hand was swelling and it’s new blue hue until I got to my gate. I had never broken anything before - so minimized the event to both my dad, assuring him I could still take the light rail upon arrival, and friend Andrea who I was supposed to cohost a pasta pop up with the following week (I’m sure it’ll be fine! Probably just badly bruised!). I had them fill the barf bag on my flight with ice and ordered an array of remedies to be delivered to my dad’s, but after 24 hours it was very evidently time for a visit to the Swedish Hospital Emergency Room. Even though I haven’t seen The Pitt, after 3 hours there I felt like I could be on an episode. Waiting for the x-rays with the tattoo’ed and tongue pierced nurse while patients were rolled in experiencing heart attacks and psychotic breaks. “Well, it’s broken. Actually.. a lot is broken” the doctor revealed. I sighed deeply but surprisingly didn’t crumple. Two things I’ve learned about myself through this is 1. I have an incredibly high pain tolerance 2. I felt more shame in letting people down and having to relinquish control over my self reliant tendencies than the news itself. The nurse secured my temporary cast and that was that (until the exorbitant medical bill arrived via text a few weeks later). My dad was there to greet me and assured me that in a few months this would all be behind me. It felt deeply comforting to know that all these years later, my dad was there to help me when I fell down. Honestly maybe more now and in less literal ways than when I was a kid. Especially since as the eldest daughter, I’ve always been generally cautious and risk adverse compared to my brother.
It wasn’t until I got back to the parking lot at LAX that I cried. I documented the spot where I fell and noticed a gash in the rubber surge protector that either my suitcase or foot had got caught on and managed to very carefully drive home, only triggering my windshield wipers unintentionally whenever I moved my right hand. If it had been my left I would’ve been completely out of commission. “A lucky break” many people have echoed back to me. Part mantra part reassurance.
So in the month since I’ve had wonderful friends come through to cut my food for me at restaurants, bring me home cooked meatballs and bone broth, help me pack Maiden Grains when an opportunity from Doen came through to feature it in their Mother’s Day gifting, and pick me up for walks around the Hollywood Reservoir and AMC movies. When I switched from the temporary cast to the brace (thankfully no surgery necessary) Cameron adorned it in botanicals including mulberry leaves and cowboy cologne. I watched my brother break down the side of a pig after getting my cast off and the flesh looked similar. Striations of blues and yellows where pink should be. I had just started a rewatch of the Sopranos and told myself that when I finished the series I would be healed. I could take the brace off when I showered and would smother my numb fingers in comfrey salve while listening to “healing” binaural beats. I started the breakthrough course on the Chani app. I told myself when I healed I’d play tennis, take a horseback riding lesson. All in time! I didn’t wear makeup for a month and I can’t tell if my skin is the better for it. I spent time in Santa Paula watching Andrea tend to her garden. Another thing I’ve learned is that “slowing down” for me is not a full stop. More like the SUV that slowly rolls over Phil’s head in The Sopranos?I had to schedule in reminders on my notes app to rest. It felt like COVID in a way and a reminder that I do relish in a slower pace, even if it’s forced.
Food that comforted me/made me forget about my injury - The green curry from Honey Hi, Seaweed + Beef Soup from Namsan Korean Restaurant, A late night craving for the cereal milk soft serve from Milk Bar that I haven’t consumed since 2014, Chicken Kalguksu + kimbap from Matna in Ventura, a stunning mother’s day meal at Little Mountain in Santa Barbara, Roma Market pink paper sandwich (add peperoncinis), The half chicken and seasonal artichoke from Pinyon, homemade coconut chia pudding with Ballerina Farm Maple Cinnamon Protein Powder and a stewed strawberries, homemade chicken salad with firehook rosemary crackers, meatballs from Malka with bone broth rice and asparagus, homemade saffron + turmeric pastina cooked in bone broth, ordering Thin Mints from lgbtq/trans girl scout troops, dark chocolate cherry tru frus, A few lovely meals at Bar Betsy + Betsy, the sesame millet bread from Roan Mills with radishes/butter/cottage cheese, the hot bar at LA Grocery including their Hazelnut Coffee Shake and my favorite combo - the steelhead trout w/ Japanese sweet potatoes and beets.
Media that comforted me/made me forget about my injury - The Sopranos, Listening to Yesteryear and currently Famesick, The Testaments, Hacks, Good Hang, So True, Season 2 of Euphoria, Neighbors, The Chronology of Water, Lorne, Days of Heaven, Nirvana the Band the Show the Movie, Gone Girls - The Long Island Serial Killer, Clockwatchers, The Drama, The Parent Trap screening with Rec League, Urchin
Misc things that comforted me/made me forget about my injury - the vibration plate I finally caved and bought, using my walking pad for the first time in months while consuming above media, planning summer travel, a trip to the Santa Barbara Zoo for mother’s day, thrift finds from Out West in Ventura, meeting Cam + Jer’s new pup Mina, picking mulberries from Cam’s tree + healing baths in her backyard, attending In Todo market featuring BIPOC makers, walks around Beachwood, watching the planes take off from the Santa Paula airport, helping out with cooking for a Nithya Raman fundraiser, dinners al fresco at Annie’s, attending my first Quinceañera!!
Will be back here with more regularity now that I’m in PT and on the mend. Thanks for your patience and for being here xx